23 January 2006

In love with the thought of being in love?

In love with the thought of being in love? Yah, I was sure once in that state of being, a long time ago, when my heart was still young and fragile. I was should I say a late bloomer, when everyone in college were having boyfriends and stuff I only have a crush to brag about (hehehehe funny). But it was the case, having a boyfriend during that times of my life was not on my priorities ( or maybe I was too busy to have other things to disturb my work as a student assistant, and too busy to mess up with school work and a scholarship to maintain)..... I was just contented with exchanging eye to eye contact with my crush and nothing more, you know the feeling of seeing him around would somehow complete your day, yippy!!! Its ust so unfair, when he is there from afar time just swiflty pass me by. And just how your heart would go mambu zambo wild when you bump each other on the hallway (ooopssss) hay!!! Then, it felt so sad when you dont to see him around, as if time would go so slowly and its like you felt like being sick or even worst you feel like crying:(

It was the past, now its only a memory, a feeling that will soon fade in time, a memory that lingers on if I refuse to let go, a realization, that its just like a fantasy, not like fairy tales that would end up "happily ever after", it had a sad ending, I didnt even know if there was a beginning in the first place.The truth was I was in love with the thought of being in love, surely it felt good, with all the kilig factor attached to it, even if he dont even know my name, or worst, even if he does not know I existed ( how pity).......

Im no longer a kid now, but sad to say i still enjoy the memory of a false love story that i have carved in my heart,that is . keeping me from moving on and face the real world. Maybe I have have no released myself from the bondage of the happy kilig feeling (maybe... may be not).....

I guess its just part of growing up or growing old and a matter of having the proper mind set, and a matter of first priority. And im at the point of checking things out and what best that would fit the vision that I have set. Im free, thank God.